Where am I? This obscure darkness is clouding any glimmer of light.
Have I perished? Is this my eternal damnation?
My mortal frame will not shift. My limbs are frozen as if I were a cement statue on display for anyone to glare and snicker.
I no longer feel agony, merriment, or even irritation. My physical form has become a ghost, a hallow shell that harbors my beating heart.
Wait. Is my heart beating? I no longer can comprehend.
What if the end isn’t near? How will I be freed from these shadows?
Is solidarity eminent? I can’t end like…
The excerpt above is written from a thought perspective.
Like many people in the world, I am a person who has a seizure disorder. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy when I was a little girl, and have lived with it for over twenty years. In most recent years, it has actually become more difficult.
Written above is what comes to mind when I think about what happens. Even though I am unconscious when I have a seizure, I wake up feeling disoriented. Usually, I have the feeling of “If I did not come out of that, I could have died”. Not being able to utilize my motor skills is terrifying, discouraging, distressing, and tiresome. Above are my thoughts on what I believe I would contemplate in my own consciousness during a seizure.
Click here for more information on seizure types and ways to help people with Epilepsy!
Hope you enjoy it, and thanks so much to all those who read my blog posts!!
Invisible. Routinely, that is what I feel like in this world. With only one friend and a family who never notices me, invisible seems like a proper fit. Don’t you think? You are probably wondering why I feel this way and how it all started. Well let me tell you, it has been going on for quite some time and I can bet there are kids, maybe even teens and adults like me who feel the same. I call myself “The invisible child”.
Living with two successful younger siblings is no picnic especially when you’re the one with the disability. This is mostly when I ask myself “Do they think I’m broken? Are they ashamed of me? Or “Am I not worth being proud of when I do something I couldn’t do before?” These questions often plague my mind in my family because unless I do something wrong, bad, or don’t do something I was asked to do then I am not worth time in my parents eyes or so it looks that way to me.
“Hey, I know that feeling. Do you have any advice on how to deal with it?” For those who know exactly what I’m talking about, I’m sorry. The truth is I am still stuck myself. Why is it okay for parents to deny that they are treating you a certain way? Why is it okay for parents or people in general to make you feel like your thoughts and feelings do not matter because you are different?
Pc: Invisible child by Tove Jansson